I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
