My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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