just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
