Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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