I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
