Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
