i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
