i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
