I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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