3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how can u be prego again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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