I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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