I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so let's talk penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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