I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
