well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
