What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
