you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
