we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
