Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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