Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize