Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
