Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am mentally ready for anal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
