i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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