Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
