did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
