if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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