Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
