is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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