I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
