I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
