I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
