Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
