Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
