Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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