Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
