What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
