I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
