I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
