U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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