On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
