I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
