what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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