I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
