Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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