Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's Friday. Sex?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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