oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
