Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize