How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
