Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
