Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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