Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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