My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
