Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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