tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
