yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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