Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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