I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
