i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
