I look better un-naked...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
