just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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