After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
