Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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