I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I just put wine in my tea
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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