I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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