Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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