You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
