life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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