Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
